1. How To Pick The Right Port-A-John Line

    40,000 people will be coming here to Chicago to run the marathon this weekend. Lots of well-hydrated people means long Port-A-John lines, so if you’re running, here’s some strategy:

    Your first instinct will be to choose the shortest line, but this can be wrong. Choose the line with the best female to male ratio, even if it’s not the shortest line. Most men, if they’re going Number One, will see long lines and choose to go on a tree, fire hydrant, or friend. This means most men standing in line are going Number Two, which in turn means a line with more men will be moving much, much slower than a line with more women.

    Also, here’s a list of actual Port-A-John company names. For my money, you can’t beat “Doodie Calls.”

    -Ian